The Unrealistic Things Celebrities Do To Get Fit* Betches

While being a mega-rich celebrity plainly has numerous perks, perhaps the best perk of all is having a team of people at your disposal to look fabulous from head to toe. A personal trainer, a cook, a nutritionist–all of these things make it pretty darn easy to look really hot at all times.

As a Pilates Instructor in NYC, a lot of my clients come to me with requests for a Beyonce butt or Carrie Underwood’s limbs. And that’s great–there will always be workouts to pump up your peach and tone your triceps. But it’s also not so great when you start to compare yourself to celebrities who have pretty much unlimited resources at their beck and call to get super fit. Not to mention, celebrities also have a lifestyle where they can schedule in insane two hour workouts and log 11 hours of sleep. Us? With our 9-5 chores? And you know, responsibilities to attend to? Not so much.

If you’ve ever been frustrated while scrolling through Instagram wondering why, despite your best efforts, you don’t have the body of your favorite girl crush, let me break down all the crazy things that devote celebs the upper hand.

Sleep–Lots Of It

If you’re trying to lose weight or improve your physical fitness, you should be logging at the least eight hours of sleep, ideally even more if you’re trying to build muscle mass. Your body needs sleep to rejuvenate and rebuild the muscles you break down when you strength train. Not to mention, if you’re not get quality sleep, you’re going to be too tired to even get through your workouts.

Now, we all know saying you’re going to bed at 10 pm versus accidentally feeing shredded cheese standing in front of your refrigerator at 11 pm is a very different thing.

If you’re the typical young professional, getting eight hours of sleep on top of run, personal responsibilities, relationships, and getting in a workout Monday through Friday is already a daunting chore. Plus, we all deserve time to unroll and veg out watching trashy reality TV( or whatever your more sophisticated pastime is ). Most of us probably fall into the category of getting closer to six to seven hours of sleep a night.

Celebrities? Not so much. Mariah Carey once reported that she likes to sleep 15 hours before performing to give her body rest( do you think I can tell my boss the same thing ?) and Jennifer Lopez has also claimed she needs a solid eight hours to get her beauty rest.

Super Intense, Long-Ass Workouts

Maybe if you’re a low-key fitness class groupie( hi, yes, occasionally I am this person) you’ve taken two back-to-back group fitness classes or mustered up the energy to go for a two hour long run. But on an average day, sometimes it’s challenging to fit just 45 minutes of exercise.

Celebs like Bella Hadid have been known to reached the gym for two plus hours. Two. plus. Hours. I’m exhausted just writing that.

And let’s not forget about Mark Wahlberg, “whos had” boasted on his Insta story about waking up at 2:30 am to squeeze in two workouts per day and have plenty of household time. OK. same.

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Taking it to another level !! @performinspired #lookalive @champagnepapi

A post shared by Mark Wahlberg (@ markwahlberg) on Sep 18, 2018 at 6:59 am PDT

When looking good is your full-time chore, I guess scheduling more than an hour of perspiration period is just another session in your Google Calendar?

Personal Trainers

Sometimes the hardest part about working out is only figuring out WHAT to work out. I’m guilty of getting to the gym, appearing timidly at the free weights, and deciding that maybe today should just be a cardio day. But that’s where a personal trainer can come in handy. Not merely does sweating under the watchful eye of a trainer stimulate you more likely to push through some difficult spots( aka your entire workout ), they’re also there to guide you and make sure you’re working out effectively.

Unfortunately, most personal training comes at a hefty cost. If “youre living in” a major city, you can expect to pay at least $100 for an hour long train conference. And the more experience your trainer has, the more likely those prices shoot route up.

When you’re a celeb constructing seven figures, you probably won’t think twice about shelling out over $1,000/ month for lots of one-on-one time with a personal trainer. But when you’re merely an aspiring Carrie Bradshaw trying to not blow your rent fund on new shoes, you probably aren’t going to want to fell a ton of money getting one on one attention on top of an already pricy gym membership.

Weird AF Diet Habits

In case you don’t have an Instagram( are you OK ?) or perhaps don’t follow a slew of influencers and celebs, you should know that the eating habits of celebrities is fascinating. When they’re not hawking “fitness tea” and appetite suppressant lollipops, a good majority of them still have fairly damn weird diets.

In a food diary for E! News, Kourtney Kardashian admitted she starts her day out with collagen supplements on an empty belly, followed by shots of apple cider vinegar. Gross. For one, collagen is kinda, sorta a major scam and two, most of the collagen you’re buying is likely made from fish scales, animal conceals, or bones. I truly only hurl up.( Full disclaimer: I am~ vegan~ but like, I can’t imagine that this is appealing to anyone …?) Kourt also seems to follow a dairy-free diet with lots of greens, which seems health and normal, but then you have recipes on her new site Poosh for Kris’ “famous” brownies. There is a note Kourt adapts it for dairy free ingredients, but kinda seems a little, perhaps, uh, contradictory?

Crash diets are also not unheard of in Hollywood. Beyonce built waves when she was filming “Dream Girls” for losing 20 pounds following the infamous “master cleanse.” The master cleanse consists of only drinking a “lemonade” made with lemons( duh ), cayenne pepper, and maple syrup. Wow. Seems appetizing.

Just kidding, I would rather eat solid food and feel happy than ever stick to a liquid diet. And I’m fairly confident that any normal human who attempts any sort of juice cleanse “wouldve been” hangry in about two hours. You need legitimate ga to just exist on your couch and watch Netflix–and even more if you’re active.

But at least there are celebs in the world like Chrissy Teigen who blatantly talks about her love for garlic and literally let her husband eat fried chicken off of her bum. I love a good hero.

The bottom line is, we can’t measure ourselves up against celebrities. The whole reason celebrities seem better than us normal people is precisely because celebrities are not normal people. They have so much more fund and time to dedicate strictly to their appearance. And that’s not even touching the plastic surgery. So be nice to yourself, k?

Images: markwahlberg, krisjenner/ Instagram; betchesluvthis, chrissyteigen/ Twitter

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