It’s Halloween betches, and it’s time to get spooky AF. Netflix is adding to the revelries with the scariest Tv indicates and movies–’tis the season for sleeping with the lightings on and double locking all your doorways. There’s no better way to get in the spirit of Halloween than living in darkness with only your laptop screen as a light source. This is also the perfect excuse to ditch any and all Halloween related celebrations. More period for you to spend doing what you do best–sitting. Which BTW, are able to obtain pretty f* cking frightening. Simply look into my dead, lifeless eyes wasting my life away because yes, it’s hour 30 and I am still here, Netflix.
‘Chilling Adventures of Sabrina’- October 26
From the f* cked intellects that “ve brought you” Riverdale comes another childhood ruining series. Sh* t gets dark and twisty when our daughter Sabrina hits her 16 th birthday. Unlike the stars of My Super Sweet Sixteen , Sab doesn’t get a party with a horse-drawn carriage entrance. Instead, she gets to choose between becoming a demon with her whole witch household or like, being a normal human. Sounds like one hell of a birthday to me!
‘The Haunting of Hill House’- October 12
Haunted houses are nothing new for Halloween, but this one certainly takes the cake. Based on a 1959 novel by Shirley Jackson, this indicate takes us through the lives of the Crain family. Hugh and Liv Crain are mothers to five kids living in Hill House, a home haunted by ghost-like animals. The storyline bouncings between the current lives of the family, struggling with the trauma from their past, and the history of the beasts that haunted them. Good luck with this one, I get nightmares from the trailer alone.
‘Creeped Out’- October 4
Netflix has this horror series rated as kid-friendly. IDK about you, but the ghost episode of Zoey 101 ( The Curse of PCA, in case you’re wondering) was scary for me as a child( or maybe still now ), so WTF is coming out of this that’s less terrifying? The series is an anthology, all narrated by a mysterious masked figure called “The Curious”. While every episode is different, there are some subtle connections that bringing the entire series together–and apparently, they’re creepy AF.
‘The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell’- October 12
Netflix’s latest addition to their plethora of food series is like if Martha Stewart ran goth( which I would low-key love to see ). Christine McConnell is taking her Insta fame out of the’ Gram and onto the laptop screen with her own baking present. Known for her creepy cakes and f* cking frightening photos, the author of Deceptive Desserts shows us all what she does best: inducing treats that look too scary to eat. That’s one way to trick yourself into a diet.
‘ Haunted’- October 19
Have you ever seen a ghost? And before you try me , no, bugging out when you’re high and seeing your dead dog doesn’t count. This series is about everyday humans experiencing paranormal or supernatural events that still haunt them. Introduce into you by the executive the manufacturers of The Purge franchise and Lore , this series is sure to induce you overanalyze every motion of high winds and flicker of the lights.
‘The Shining’- October 1
Creepy twins, sketchy hotels, and metaphors–oh my!’ The Shining’ is a classic sh* t-your-pants horror film, but IDK what’s scarier about this movie: the ax assassin or the cinema students who analyze every breath Jack Nicholson takes. You decide. If you haven’t seen this movie, it’s based on Stephen King’s 1977 novel of the same title and is probably one of the creepiest cinemas in existence. Would recommend watching this with friends, and then, probably having them guard your bathroom door while you shower.
‘ Malevolent’- October 5
A brother-sister duo decides an excellent business plan is to scam people who are grieving by pretend they know how to talk to the dead. This movie is like what would happen if the Long Island Medium turned out to be a fake. Sh* t gets weird when they go for a reading at an orphanage( red flag one) where a murder took place( red flag two ). Basically, the ghosts were like “you want to talk with us B* TCH? Well , now you get to. For eternity.” But I’m sure it’s a lot scarier than that.
‘Apostle’- October 12
An ex-priest returns to his long-lost daddy’s house to find out that his sister has been kidnapped by a religious cult* gasp *. Turns out, this cult likes to sacrifice people and drill into heads–so some really fun party games here–so obvs ex-priest has to go try and save his sister. The cult is on a remote island, so this movie is for sure full of that type of horror where you scream and no one can hear you. Apparently, this movie is really gory featuring some sh* t swimming, limb cutting, and human meat grinding. Perhaps watch this one on an empty stomach.
‘Truth or Dare’- October 3
This isn’t your average slumber party. A legit psychopath kidnaps four teens while they’re chilling in Mexico to attain them play a dark-ass version of truth or dare. Every time a truth or dare presents itself, everyone’s faces get super warped and they start to look like a freaky Snapchat filter. There’s also a big risk in not doing said tasks–you could die. So the stakes are high, people. The undertakings range from transgressing someone’s hand to coming out to the grand finale: killing people. This whole thing seems like a lose-lose situation.
Do you love scary sh* t like crime, cults, conspiracy hypothesis? We’re launching Not Another True Crime podcast on October 1! Follow us on Instagram at @natcpod for details .
Images: Giphy( 3 ); Unsplash/ Victoria Heath
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