Growing up I was skiiiiiinny. Like super skinny, I didn’t even realize how skinny I was until I look at images now and my jaw drops-off. I didn’t eat like it though, I always grabbed heaps of mac and cheese and so much better pizza as possible. My diet consisted of chocolate chip Pop-Tarts for breakfast and a bowl of ice cream before bed, every day. So you can only imagine what it was like in the middle of all that junk food.
I recollect everyone always saying to me I remember thinking back
Little did I know that it caught up to me sooner than I wanted to believe. I only kept going up a sizing because I liked things “big”( or because the other sizes were just becoming too small ). I didn’t acknowledge that though because it’s hard to recognize altered in yourself sometimes because you’re constantly looking at yourself in the mirror. You never get the” woah, that person gained a lot of weight since last hour I watched them ,” because that person is you and you’re constantly with yourself, looking at yourself.
I was with my friends from high school the other night, drinking on a Tuesday. We have drinkings arbitrarily whenever we’re bored, we mostly blame it on the fact that there’s nothing to do in this small town. But Tuesday was an exception because we had a paint& sip night at a local restaurant/ bar. And of course, weight get brought up somehow( probably because we know we shouldn’t drink so much better, as that’s a logical reason to why we’ve all gained so much weight ). We talk about how three out of the four of us have gained 30 pounds plus since high school and the fourth one is still skinny eating lava cake and never goes to the gym. DAMN GENETICS.
In high school I was worried about my weight, I discovered a note I wrote that said I needed to lose 20 pounds and I was still skinny then! I definitely didn’t lose those 20 pounds, but surely I gained them.
Weight has become a center point of our culture, at the least in my eyes. It’s always on our mind. There are times I refuse to post a image I really, really like because I’m afraid the slant of my body was builds me look huge. I never know what to do with my limbs because I don’t want them to look bigger than they actually are. I set coconut petroleum on my stretching marks every day because more than anything I want them to disappear.
Is being fat that bad, though? We treat it like it’s the worst thing that you can be. We act like Instagram models are~ FLAWLESS~ when they could be totally shitty people with a nice body. We judge so hard on appears, especially with dating apps like Tinder and Bumble now. Those are completely judgmental, and yet we still take part in a one second decision if we find someone attractive at first glance or not.
There are days when I’m feeling altogether confident, but most of the time that’s not how I feel. I live in sweatshirts because it induces “i m feeling” the most comfortable. I hardly ever, if ever, take pictures in a bikini because it induces me SUPER self-conscious. I weep when I get a new stretching mark because it stimulates “i m feeling” awful about myself.
Self-love is hard, man. It’s really hard. I don’t know if there’s even an end point to self-love or if it will always be a constant battle for the rest of our lives. But I’m not going to stop trying, that’s for sure.
I’m going to keep going to the gym a few periods a week, I’m going to keep trying to stimulate healthier decisions when it comes to food, I’m going to keep trying to drink more water and do nice things for my body.
My body loves me it takes me miles, it allows me touch and feel, it gives me the chance to seeandtaste, and the ability to hold my loved ones in my arms the least I can do is love it back for that.
Our bodies aren’t perfect, they’re flawed, just like us. But we are still loved despite our flaws and mistakes, and there’s no reason we shouldn’t to continue efforts to love our bodies the same way.
Gaining weight, get a new stretch mark , not having a thigh gap or a bikini bridge doesn’t mean the world is objective. They attain you who you are. Those few pounds you can never seem to lose? Yeah, those pounds are your dinner dates with friends, your drinkings on a Friday afterwork, that extra piece of pizza you’re craving those extra pounds are you . They construct you who you are and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Stretch marks, weight gain and other shit no one likes to talk about is all merely part of growing and in order to grow you need to change. It’s all only part of life and there’s nothing incorrect with that.