Kristen was a real go-getter she wasn’t afraid to say “yes.” And it helped her shoot up the ranks at her undertaking as a young lady.
She wasn’t afraid to try new things or risk failing. So the blogger and knitting enthusiast determined herself with her own office at the young age of 21. But her love affair with the word “yes” didn’t last forever.
30 years later, she found that her romance with “yes” had finally lost its flame. She was stressed out.
Unfortunately you can’t always fake it until you make it.
She found herself saying “yes” to the wrong things, leaving her stretched and overcommitted.
So she decided it was time give a word in her vocabulary some extra use.
It took a while, but once she perfected “the art of ‘no'” she knew she made the right decision.
In a blog post about her journey to learning how to say no, she says getting into the habit wasn’t easy, but it was so worth it. She feels better: free, happy, and more helpful!
Here are some simple tips-off that’ll have you saying that two-letter term with ease in no time:
1. Make the commitment to “no” official. Figure out why you need to say it, and declare it.
It’ll be easier to stick to saying “no” when you’ve sat down and told yourself why you’ve stimulated the conscious decision to do so. Kristen’s turning point came when she found herself making and delivering 200 desserts by hand for a party that wasn’t even hers when she had her own party the same day! The stress of it left her feeling exhausted and victimized. She decided enough is enough.
So take a minute to think about it: Why do you need to say “no”? Is it to get more sleep? To be less stressed? To have more time to go to the gym or spend time with friends? Remember that every reason is valid . Just make sure you discover yours.
2. Remember: Saying “no” won’t make everyone dislike you.
Until we learn how to add more hours to the 24 we’ve got in a day, we just can’t do everything. People get that we have limitations because we all have them. And, you know, there’s that thing with sleeping and eating that we humen can’t do without.
If people respect you enough to ask for your help, they’ll respects you enough to not take your “no” personally. Keep in intellect that it isn’t the word “no” that’s inherently rude; it’s how it’s said that stimulates the difference.
3. Overcome FOMO and get comfortable with “doing you.”
The temptation to say “yes” can be especially strong when you feel like you don’t want to miss out on a great opportunity. If you’re seduced to say “yes” out of fear, ask yourself a few questions. For instance: Will there be other parties? Can I actually take on another commitment? Will I feel energized or more exhausted if I do this?
4. Discover the magic of using “and” or “but.”
I get it. The idea of a curt “no” might voice frightening. And nobody likes rudeness. Try these simple additions to help you soften the jolt while still sounding confident:
When you’re merely flat out saying “no.”
“Yes, I’d love to participate, and I am going to have to decline.”
When you know someone who can do it.
“I love that you thought of me, and I’m unable to participate. How can I help you find someone else? “
When you want to show your appreciation for the ask .
“I think your idea is fabulous, and I’m not able to participate at this time.”
When it’s “no” for now.
“Yes, I’d love to participate, but at a later date. Can you ask me again in January? ”
5. Keep it short and sweet.
Know that sa ying “no” is enough. You don’t need to provide a long explanation to prove the worth of your “no.” Maintain it simple while being truthful. It’ll be clear, and( bonus phases) you don’t sound like you’re inducing up excuses!
And if you wish you didn’t have to say “no”? Here’s another example Gates offers:
I truly wanted to attend your party but I was working late and the kids had a meltdown when I came home and by the time things were calmed down it was too late. Besides, someone boxed me in and I couldn’t get out of my parking space even if I wanted to .I’m sorry if you were counting on me. How can I make it up to you?
Doesn’t it voiced so much better when you keep it short and to the point?
Following these steps are just the beginning. Fortunately there are a lot of resources out there that can help you learn how to say “no.” Check out these posts on Lifehacker or volumes like “How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty” by Patti Brietman and Connie Hatch.
Creating boundaries can be hard, but having them constructs for a happier, more healthy life. It might feel counterintuitive, but saying “no” can actually improve your relationships. Believe about it: If you learn how to turn down doing the things you don’t genuinely want to do, then you’re free to commit to the things and people you’re crazy about( in the good way ).
So go out there and flex those “no” muscles and tell me how it goes. Or not. It’s OK if you don’t want to report back just say no. 😉
Read more: www.upworthy.com