Here’s What a Relationship Is Like When It’s Working

There are a million types of people in this world, but when it comes to being completely deluded about ones relationship, I believe there are only two.

The first kind of person has the ability to take a relationship thats going perfectly well, and convince themself that its not working at all. This person will take isolated incidents, off-handed statements, and thoughtless actions, and analyze them under a bright sun and a magnifying glass until the whole thing inevitably catches flame. This is the friend who says things like:

What do you think he meant when he said we could hang out subsequently? Is he blowing me off, do you think hes not interested in me? Shouldnt he have told me when he wants to hang out instead of just saying afterward? Thats it, Im not texting him till he texts me again. This is bullshit.

Then theres the other various kinds of person, the one who takes their delusion from an entirely different angle and persuades him/ herself that a relationship in ruins is actually going great! These people have an excuse for everything and their optimism is so blinding bright that it crosses the line from hopeful to idiotic.

Technically its not cheating, because he only ever builds out with other girls where reference is drunk at a bar, and he didnt even remember this one the next day, so that doesnt truly count, right?

Love is complicated and theres no one mold that fits all, so how can we define what it means to be in a relationship thats running? Well

When its working, youll be brave enough to say what youre reasoning. When youre driving home from the movies on a Sunday night and he asks you whats on your intellect because you arent talking and have a fretted look upon your face, youll be able to tell him quite honestly that you only remembered you need to do laundry tomorrow or else youre going to have to wear your speedo from high school swimming squad instead of underwear. Hell be brave enough to laugh at you and tell you youre gross, but that he has some quarters in his dresser if youd like to borrow some. A relationship thats working is candid, comfortable, and a little bit hilarious.

When its working, youll find that you have become fluent in another language. Your conversations with your significant other become a mishmash of inside jokes, references to shared past-events, and affectionate pet-names that you would never dare use in front of your friends( Can I get you anything while Im up, my little Honey Nut Cheerio ?). Being in a relationship involves a lot of communication, and sometimes that entails special communication merely the two of you could ever understand.

Even though its working, you understand that there will still be bumps along the way. He might not notice the new haircut you spent a hundred dollars on yesterday, and he might not send flowers to your work on Valentines Day even though that bitch Tina from Marketing get flowers sent to her, and he might think that a vacuum cleaner is a entirely appropriate birthday gift, because after all, yours violated two weeks ago and you said you needed a new one! Your impressions will get hurt, and youll hurt his feelings too, but that comes with the territory of being with another human being that you love each other doesnt exempt you from this.

When its working, youll be able to find remarkable romance in the most unremarkable events. When youre in bed with your significant other, and its 1am and youre ravenously hungry but dont want to admit it, and he turns to you and says, I could totally go for some chicken nuggets right now, you will never be more convinced that you have found your soul mate. What would have been a shameful late night jaunt when you were single has magically transformed into a romantic adventure for two: holding hands as you head for the drive-thru, sneaking a kiss before leaning in to whisper, Lets ask for extra barbeque sauce! Being in a relationship that the project works means having a partner in crime with whom you can appreciate the small stuff.

When its working, you feel like youre part of a team. Have to leave early for run and forget to move your vehicle for street sweeping day? Wholly fine, because he has a spare key and hes looking out for you. Hes sick and cant leave the house without coughing up a lung? No worries, youve got all the grocery shopping for the week covered, including his orange juice and miso soup. A working relationship offer a safety net when life would have otherwise bolt you over.

When its working, youll learn that you dont have to sacrifice everything you loved when you were single. You still get to go to yoga although he has thinks you could easily stretch at home for free, and he still gets to play poker with his friends even though you think thats the real trash of money because Tim beats him.

Every. Single. Time.

And sometimes youll is understood that activities you thought were reserved only for single you are actually activities you can enjoy together, because everybody loves watching Netflix in their underwear on the floor and feeing pizza straight out of the box. When its working, youll find ways to spend time together, but youll be just fine by yourself, too.

Finally, when its working, you wont obsess over whether or not it is. Youll stop asking your friends enabling you to interpret vague text messages, because even if you dont know exactly what he entailed by something, you know youll be able to talk about it with him later tonight. A relationship thats working gives a certain about of predictability: you might not know what curveballs life will hurl your route, but you know when you wake up in the morning that someone will be there to face it with you. A relationship thats running is softly confident, stable, and secure.

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