Here Are Your Weekend Horoscopes For January 26 -2 8th

Mars moves into Sagittarius to start the weekend so if you’re literally dying to get out of your apartment, that might be why. Let’s hope your adventures involve good times and new experiences, and not, like, waking up next to a toilet after too many moscow mules. Wait, are people even drinking those anymore? I don’t fuckin’ know. Anyway, here are your horoscopes.

Aries

Mars entering your ruler Sagittarius attains you, like, super restless. Attain a scheme of what you’d actually like to accomplish this weekend so you don’t end up only taking an Adderall and scrubbing your kitchen with a toothbrush or some shit.

Taurus

Your priority this weekend is passion–of the sex range. Like, good for you. If you’re single and ready to fucking mingle, don’t shy away from opportunities to socialize with a different crowd. If you’re taken, well, do I even have to tell you what’s in store? You already know.

Gemini

Mars in Sagittarius is causing you to partner up. You’ll feel like if someone is not 100% on you’re squad, they’re against you. Your confrontational side is coming out this weekend so any bitch that may wish to step to you or your friends better beware.

Cancer

You’re on a mission to get shit done this weekend. You’ve probably been making a listing in your iPhone notes of stuff you’ve been needing to do, i.e. clean the chair in your bedroom you can no longer ensure because it’s stacked with clothes. Just bite the bullet and knock those projects out in your downtime so they don’t haunt you all next week.

Leo

You’re generally pretty competitive, but that side genuinely comes out as Mars enters Sagittarius and hangs out there until mid-March. If you’re down to work out this weekend, try a class that highlights your competitive nature. Avoid yoga and Pilates and shit because no one wants to be on a mat next to the girl who is trying to hard to outdo them in every move like a psycho.

Virgo

You’re in the mood to get things sorted out. That could mean you’re in the mood to organize your space, or it could mean that there are some lingering questions in your relationships you’d like to get some answers to. Bring shit up with others before Sunday when tempers can flare and really fuck shit up.

Libra

You’re being a little pushy, Libra. This weekend, it’s your route or the motherfucking freeway. You’ll want to predominate conversation and take the lead in project activities you and your friends try to do. If your predominating personality was just about to piss someone off, um, only don’t invite them to the group hang.

Scorpio

You recently said something you shouldn’t have and you’ll likely continue to pay the cost for that this weekend. So, part of your weekend will probably be spent trying to make amends for that. It’s best you fix whatever it is before Sunday, because shit could intensify by the beginning of next week.

Sagittarius

Your “can do” Sagittarius attitude has returned with full force. That’s great if you have a lot of shit you want to do this weekend and someone to do it with who is equally as enthusiastic. But don’t be surprised if your friends roll their eyes when you indicate waking up at 5:00 am to go skiing on Saturday.

Capricorn

After all your birthday excitement in the last month, the only thing you’re in a rush to do is take it slacken. Don’t let your roommate lazy-shame you for not changing out of your pajamas all weekend and ordering Postmates for every meal. Your relaxation is priority numero uno and everyone else can fuck off.

Aquarius

The Sun in your sign continues to give you a double dosage of energy all month long. You’ll also be showered with attention and invites this weekend as that Sun acts like a spotlight on your sign. Careful with the mimosas Sunday morning, though. You might blurt out information that you hoped to keep to yourself.

Pisces

With Mars entering your house of status, you’ll probably be down to do a little social-climbing this weekend, but, like, in the best way possible. Spend the weekend running things to your advantage. The connects you make this weekend could help you in your career and social life down the road. Get after it, betch.

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